CONSCIOUS BIRTH & PARENTING 

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"Conception, gestation, labor and delivery are the physical metaphor for how the divine comes into physical form. And so, there is really no more sacred ritual than human labor and delivery. And if we are going to change what happens around it, we need to see it for the sacred ceremony that it really is.

The woman giving birth needs to be treated as the very special being that she is, for the future of humanity to be something better than is has been. The seeds of violence, I believe, are sown right in the delivery room."

—Dr. Christiane Northrup, obstetrician, from the video Giving Birth: Challenges & Choices

Someone should have warned me. I severely underestimated motherhood. The day my daughter was born, my heart shattered open and I became so compassionate that I couldn’t bear to see a dead squirrel, let alone watch the news. Meanwhile, a fierceness awoke inside of me. I furiously pounded my car horn when a driver “endangered my child”. And I became so protective of my precious cargo that even green minivans passed me on the freeway.

My pregnancy and resulting parenthood were a constant healing session. Every toxic thought and any unclear area in my life was illuminated, and let’s just say it wasn’t always pretty. Much like taking monastic vows of poverty, communalism, service, chastity, cold five-minute meals, and wearing the same clothes day after day, parenting can automatically hurl one out of comfortable habits and routines and create more awareness. The breaking down of how we identify ourselves is one of the greatest spiritual gifts of parenting, and automatically increases our capacity for love.

My daughter teaches me to see the world differently. Shadows, for example. Or how noisy a grocery bag can be. Ceiling fans can be mesmerizing, and wood grains are a source of endless fascination. No drugs necessary. Everything and anything becomes a play object. Proof that boredom is the choice of the beholder. 

Half the work of parenting consciously is being aware of old patterns that rule our behavior as parents, remembering that they come from deep wounds in our past, and that they don’t have anything to do with what’s really happening in the moment. What I’ve realized is that the greatest gift that I can give my child is myself. This means that part of my work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and in awareness. I have learned that, as parents, we have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves. 

As I mentioned, there are no escapes. There’s no quitting in parenting either, although there’s plenty of crying. I see our daughter as a little Buddha who can put her finger on places where I’m resistant to change or thinking narrowly. I can either lose my mind and my authenticity in the process of reacting, or I can use it as the perfect opportunity to grow and nourish my child by attending to what is deepest and best in her, and therefore in myself.